And there is also an unspoken agreement that we don’t look at each other or even make eye contact if we don’t have to. There may be an occasional “excuse me” if people need to get around each other, but other than that there is very little conversation in a public restroom except maybe the occasional chatter between friends and nobody cares about that. This is not a homophobic thing; it’s a privacy thing. You are there to do one thing (ok, maybe TWO things *badoom boom tiiissshh!*), wash your hands and exit. You don’t need idle chatter from strangers or even your own friends. With privacy at a minimum already, keeping the socializing down to a very dull roar is a way of restoring some of it. SO! One really has to make some obvious overtures, I think (I’ve never been propositioned like Tucker; I’m sure it happens) to get some lovin’. To be clear, I am not ruling out that people BREAK the rules, or that still others have experienced unwanted advances, but I imagine that it’s because of these unspoken rules that this bathroom sex community needed to work up a series of signals so as NOT to piss off the random stranger or get themselves arrested. - A Comment by Bonkers over at the Crooks and Liars post on Tucker Carlson.
Those are the rules for White, heterosexual men. I have noticed that straight White men have an almost paranoid reaction to social interaction in public restrooms. Gay men chat a lot more. People of Color talk a lot more. This Gay man, who grew up using two- and three-seat outhouses, has always been a little bit social when it comes to taking care of business. I'll say hello, ask you what's happening, comment on sports or politics or even the weather. On the other hand, for reasons delineated in the above link, I am the most dedicated person in the world when it comes to taking care of my business. I am in and out in two, maybe three minutes flat, whereas the straight men in my office go into the toilet with a newspaper and a magazine and will hang out on the throne for half an hour at a time. I find that type of behavior to be more suspicion arousing than just saying hello.
The only rule I can think of that is absolute is to control the direction of your flow. Don't turn towards me with tool in hand and say, "Pardon? What did you say?" That's wrong. Pissing on someone's boots will get you in a world of hurt, regardless of whether you're Gay, straight, Black, Green, or in a hurry. Otherwise, any rules you come up with for restroom etiquette are just your opinion about your own limitations and expectations. I grew up different, me.
What bothers me is that the press and commentators like Tucker Carlson are trying to sell this "toilet trysting" on gay men only. That's ridiculous! Thousands of hetero men regularly visit these men's rooms cruising for quick, kinky and "forbidden" sex. And, it's free -- AND, the ONLY time straight men don't have to PAY for sex -- that's appealing to them.
Posted by: R.N. | September 02, 2007 at 12:36 PM
Makes me think of this
http://tonermishap.blogspot.com/2005/04/urinal-selection-strategy.html
Posted by: Jack | September 16, 2007 at 01:47 AM
Right on! I remember when that first made the rounds a few years ago. What made it so funny is that it was so true.
Posted by: Houston | September 16, 2007 at 08:40 AM
NYC is installing these $100 public restrooms which seal off for 15 minutes for $.25 - gee I wonder what those will be used for:
http://www.stationstops.com/2008/03/25/nyc-public-restrooms-the-straight-poop-on-public-restrooms-in-new-york-city-and-beyond/
Posted by: Seth Brundle | March 26, 2008 at 05:27 AM