Dancing with Myself

Alabamans Prove More Stupid than Texans

Like who would have believed that possible, eh?  The numbers don't lie, however.  Eighty-one percent of Alabamans felt it necessary to forbid by Constitutional amendment the right of same-sex couples to have any sort of recognized civil partnerships.  I think Forrest Gump summed it up well when he said, "Stupid is as stupid does."  Texans only passed their Constitutional Amendment by 75% of the vote.  Alabama wins.  It has a higher percentage of stupid than does Texas.

Congratulations, Alabama!

Oh the Irony! The Irony!

A curtsy to Faggoty-Ass Faggot.

Ann Coulter on religious intolerance.

Making the rash assumption for purposes of discussion that Islam is a religion and not a car-burning cult, even a real religion can't go bossing around other people like this.

Catholics aren't short on rules, but they couldn't care less if non-Catholics use birth control. Conservative Jews have no interest in forbidding other people from mixing meat and dairy. Protestants don't make a peep about other people eating food off one another's plates. (Just stay away from our plates -- that's disgusting.)

But Muslims think they can issue decrees about what images can appear in newspaper cartoons. Who do they think they are, liberals?

Sounds more like evangelicals to me, Ann.

Congratulations to Sir Elton John

David Furnish and Elton John became civil partners in England today.  I'm very happy for them.  The Chronicle refers to Furnish as "a Canadian Filmmaker" which leaves me with an obvious question.  If Furnish is Canadian, why did he and John wait until now to get "civil partnered" rather than go to Canada and get "married"?  Inquiring minds want to know.

It's About the Children

The real force behind same-sex marriage is the needs of the children.  Yesterday, the California Supreme Court said as much.  Same-sex couples who decide to have children have the same rights and responsibilities as hetero couples.  The thing is, children have certain rights.  When two adults decide to have children, they are expected to honor their commitment to those kids.  I wrote about this back in May. This is not a Gay or Straight issue.  It's a Children's issue.  By the way, the California Supreme Court has five Republicans and one Democrat.  There was a nutcase, but she recently was traded for a future draft pick by Schwartzenegger.

Same Sex Marriage

I get a lot of inquiries from people wanting to know which hand Gay and Lesbian couples wear their wedding rings.  First, let me say there is no rule.  In Europe, the ring is often worn on the right hand, while in the United States, the left hand is preferred.  This is based on custom and not law.   The rings do not represent the state's sanction of the wedding.  They are cultural icons, nothing more.

Another thing, we call them "wedding" rings, not "marriage" rings.  In the U.S., same sex couples are allowed to marry in only one state, Massachussetts, and probably not for much longer there.  We are allowed, however, to have weddings, only we call them "commitment" or "blessing" services.  Gays and Lesbians have been exchanging rings for a very long time, despite their inability to have their relationships codified by law and marriage.

Last week at Holy Innocents Church in San Francisco, New Hampshire's own, the Rt. Rev. Gene Robinson, called for the church to stop acting as a agent for the state's discriminatory marriage policies.  "If you want to get married, you go to a justice of the peace who registers your marriage for the benefit of the state.  You come to church to celebrate your commitment to each other and to your community.  The Church should not be an agent to the state's discrimination."  As it is now, some churches perform same-sex marriages and others don't.   It is not the proper role of the church to decide who can and who can't be married.  Marriage is a contract between two individuals which requires three witnesses (generally).  It is not about children.  It is not about sacredness.  It is not about fidelity.  It is not forever.  It's not even about sex.  It's a contract that runs from general to specific requirements and restrictions voluntarily entered into by two individuals.

Unfortunately, Americans have allowed their religious intolerance to disinfranchise thousands of Gays and Lesbians in committed relationships.  I have no doubt as to the direction of our culture on this issue.  Same-sex marriage is becoming a reality in the Western world.  Even Canada is poised to extend same-sex marriage to all of its provinces.  Just as the United States eventually outlawed slavery and gave women and minorities the right to vote, eventually same sex couples will have the right to solidify their relationships in contract law recognized by the state.

I noticed that Bishop Robinson was not wearing a wedding ring, although he referred to his partner of 18 years at least 4 times in the course of the evening.  At an appropriate time, I asked him about it.  He first answered that he and his partner Mark did not consider themselves married.  They considerd themselves in a sacred and bonded relationship, just not married.  He went on to say that this decision was made at a time when it was better for them not to attract unwanted attention which might negatively effect an issue the Church was promoting at that time.  Have you ever wanted to call "bullshit" on a bishop?  I almost did.  That was a pretty lame answer.  Bishop Robinson, read the first couple of paragraphs of this post, then you and Mark go and buy rings.  It is a token of your love and commitment, not a sign that your relationship is recognized by the state. 

Give your partner a ring, and accept his in return. 

Still Interviewing Canadian Husband Candidates

I got a sweet little brush off today from CHC#1.  I'm not surprised.  We both were curious enough about the other to get together a couple of times.  He's still very cute, so maybe we'll run into each other in a romance-inducing situation or place down the road.  I keep fantacizing about a full moon on a tropical beach.  I've just about given up on going there with someone, and I'm just about ready to go there and do it with myself.  Maybe I'll meet someone on the beach.  I did when I was 30, and 36, and 42, and 53, and, aw hell, I'm just an easy lay on a tropical beach.  Especially if the moon is full.  To put myself in the mood of running up and down beaches in a speedo, my social husband, Bob the Architect, and I are upgrading our relationship to Workout Buddies.  That's a very serious relationship in the Gay Metrosexual's life.  It calls for serious commitment.

I call Bob the Architect my social husband because we have a relationship that doesn't involve romance, sex or living together.  Together, we have season tickets at the S.F. Symphony and to the Berkeley Rep, and he's the first person I call when something interesting comes up.  He is in a committed-to-thinking-about-being-committed relationship.  He and Juan (who lives in L.A.) have even exchanged rings, although I have no idea what that was about.  Bob says that in L.A. you get hit on more often if you wear a wedding band because it means you'll safely leave when the tryst is over.  Juan gave Bob a ring first, so it wasn't to enhance his (Juan's) sociability. Bob then gave Juan a ring.  Tiffany's.   I asked if that's all it took to get a ring from him, y'know, to give him one first?  I was disappointed to think I hadn't tried it at least once.

Bob the Archhitect lives in a very lovely apartment on Russian Hill, one of San Francisco's tonier neighborhoods.  He deserves a nice place.  As I have implied by calling him Bob the Architect, he is an architect.  They need a little icing with the cake.  They work very hard and seldom can afford apartments worthy of their intellect and persuasion.  His previous S.F. apartment was in Noe Valley and it consisted of two rooms each about the size of my walk-in closet, and one of them was also the kitchen.  He literally slept with his head in the oven.  Of course, him being an artistic (wink, wink) architect, it was done up real nice.  This place over on Russian Hill is a nice step up.  It probably goes without saying that he is very good looking, as well as charming and funny.  Going out with Bob is the equivalent of wearing expensive diamonds.  You're going to be noticed and admired.

I'm ready to interview the next Canadian Husband Candidate.  Should I run the ad again?  I'm in no hurry, despite the fact that my younger Gay "sister" who looks much older than I (too much sun and vodka over too many years), told a mutual friend that she and her domesticated partner (read: husband), who happens to be (1) Canadian, (2) hairy-chested, (3) multi-lingual, (4) professional, (5) oeniphile -- or, in other words, almost everything I was looking for in a man, are going to Vancouver this Spring to get married.  What a fucking bitch.  Those two have the most DYSfunctional relationship as I have seen between adults not otherwise related.  As you can tell, we're very close friends.  He's also a better cook than I, and he knows it, so he's bringing an hors d'hoeuvre to my Mardi Gras Brunch (notice I capitalized the B in brunch to indicate that it is taking on a life of its on now) which will make my cooking look dull and ordinary in comparison.  In his mind, maybe.  One satisfactory thing about his cooking.  That hunk of a man he married put on about 50 pounds and doesn't look nearly as hunky as he did before. 

Sigh.  Life is a carnival.  Send in the clowns.

"We now have the benefit of your wind in our sails, and we are charting the same course."

"I think it's a tremendously historic day that will help not just families in Canada, but people across the border who are wrestling with this question, of how the denial of marriage harms gay people and their loved ones," said Evan Wolfson, executive director of Freedom to Marry, a gay-rights coalition based in New York.

"Canada is setting a standard for inclusion and fairness, and offering the real proof that ending discrimination helps families and hurts no one."

Wolfson said of Canadians: "We now have the benefit of your wind in our sails, and we are charting the same course."  (SFGate)

 

That was so well said that all I can add is, thanks, Canada.  Thanks for making me feel just a little more normal and human today.  We do have the benefit of your wind in our sails. 

Accepting Diversity

Time to 'fess up. Lately, I've been more tolerant of Moonies and Scientologists than I have been of my own cousins in Texas who are Republican identified and who think George W. Bush is an apostle sent by God himself to lead us from our present condition to salvation. I have a real hard time with that because I don't even think the fucker's a Christian. How do you deal with ignorance and remain loving? My extended family in Texas like me, they really do. I have indulged them over the past thirty years or so by giving them enough of me to like and love, yet keeping the part (my homosexuality) that made them uncomfortable out of sight, so to speak. I am no longer interested in indulging them. I want them to know just how intolerant I have become of their ignorance, their narrow-minded, homophobic, Baptist-laden shit. Why am I so angry at them?

Besides my family, I have friends in Texas to whom I have not spoken in over a year. I tell everyone who asks that I cannot talk to my friend without yelling at her, so I'd rather she think me rude for not speaking than to know me to be rude for screaming at her about how stupid I think she is. Obviously, I am taking this all much too seriously.

I'm more than willing to respect them for having a different opinion than I do, but I'm very disappointed at their low standards for leadership of their side. I don't give a rat's ass if you're liberal or conservative, but lying to people is a violation of the public trust. If they're not lying they're delusional. That does not make me feel any better.

Anyone got any advice on how to get along with idiots and bigots whom you love but whom you can't stand?

Will California Recognize Masssachussetts Marriages

I want to know the answer to that question. Eliot Spitzer says New York is going to recognize them. Come on California, join in the chorus. Let's give the religious right a real reason to have indigestion.

I'm calling Bill Lockyer tomorrow and ask him why he doesn't follow Eliot Spitzer's example and proactively announce that as he understands it, the full faith and credit clause obligates us to recognize valid marriages in Massachussetts. Let's have some fun with this. Come on, Bill, are you with us on this?

Marriage Party Ruined by Uninvited Guests

Thousands of heterosexual couples woke up today to discover their marriages had been trashed the night before by hundreds of Gays and Lesbians lined up to be married in the eyes of the State of Massachussetts. Okay Jerry Falwell, Pat Roberts, Rick Santorum et ilk, your worst nightmare has occurred. Same sex partners were afforded state recognition of their committed relationships for the first time today in Massachussetts. Yes, fuckit, Gays and Lesbians got married! For the next year at least, couples who want to be married can be. Their marriages will not be recognized by the federal government right away, maybe not for a long time, but I wouldn't bet on never. Here's what most people don't get: Massachussetts is not leading the way. It's just reflecting reality. Same sex couples have been forming bonded legal relationships for years now. There is no compelling reason not to allow same sex marriage outside of religious bigotry, and that is banned by the Constitution of the United States. A lot of states are rushing to amend their own constitutions to "close the loopholes." You know the loophole I'm talking about, the one about establishing a relilgion, and equitable justice before the law. That is just plain sad. They won't win in the end. Bad amendments can be undone, just ask the Women's Christian Temperance Union.

In the next few months, thousands of very normal people are going to visit Massachussetts and get married. Nobody can stop them. You bigots who call yourselves Christians might as well get used to it. This isn't about you. It's about us.

To you men and women who are causing all these problems in Massachussetts by your refusal to participate in your own marginalization, Mazel Tov!